Individual Therapy for Relationships & People-Pleasing in Missoula, MT.
Feel close to people without losing yourself. Use your voice without apology.
You try to be easygoing… but it’s not exactly easy for you.
Maybe you…
Apologize or over-explain by default—ever catch yourself giving someone your whole backstory in the grocery store checkout line just to make sure they don’t misunderstand you?
Feel responsible for everyone’s comfort, and you can’t fully relax until the people around you seem okay.
Avoid conflict like the plague—because part of you worries if you’re honest, they’ll leave, get mad, or decide you’re “too much.”
Go blank or shut down in the middle of hard conversations, or take the blame to get out of tense moments—then replay it later and feel frustrated with yourself.
Struggle to do things alone or just for you, because being by yourself feels uncomfortable or even wrong.
Keep finding yourself in the same cycle: overgive, burn out, pull away, patch things up (sometimes), repeat.
Having needs doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you human.
Your needs aren’t a problem to solve—they’re information.
You probably learned in childhood that closeness depends on being easy, agreeable, or low-maintenance, so it makes sense that asking for anything can feel like a huge risk. In therapy, we treat guilt and fear as learned responses, not proof that you’re asking for too much. Then, we figure out what belongs to you and what was never your responsibility in the first place.
How We’ll Work Together
We’ll start by getting really clear on what you tend to do to try and smooth things over when the well-being of a relationship feels at risk. We won’t treat those responses like “bad habits” you need to quit, but rather like strategies that have been trying to protect you. Then we’ll talk through real moments—the subtext you felt in a text thread with friends, a hard conversation you had with your partner, or an interaction you had with a coworker—and practice staying present enough to notice what you want, what you’re afraid will happen, and what you usually do next.
From there, we build the skills that can change your day-to-day: clearer boundaries, less over-explaining, and the ability to tolerate someone else’s discomfort without making it your job to fix. We’ll practice language that’s direct and kind, and differentiate what’s yours to hold versus what belongs to the other person. We’ll also define small, consistent 1% actions you can take to build self-trust—because those 1%s snowball over time into meaningful change.
Together, we’ll work on learning to protect your heart without closing it off—so you can have close relationships without abandoning yourself.
What We’ll Work On
Individual therapy for relationships & people-pleasing can show you how to…
Identify your needs, limits, and preferences in real time and communicate your boundaries without a justification dissertation, instead of realizing them only after saying “whatever you want.”
Stay present during moments of conflict or disappointment, using concrete tools we’ve practiced together.
Feel free from guilt anytime you speak up, so you can assert yourself with confidence.
Separate what’s yours to hold from what isn’t, especially when someone else is upset.
Build connections that are more mutual, learn how to repair in a way that doesn’t require self-blame, and rely less on reassurance to feel okay.
You deserve to be loved for being yourself.
You don’t have to perform to be worthy of love.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
-
No—I provide individual therapy. If relationship stress is a big part of what’s bringing you in, we can absolutely work with the patterns you’re experiencing one-on-one. The focus stays on you: your needs, your choices, and your capacity in connection. If you decide couples work is more what you’re looking for, I’m happy to refer you to a couples therapist I trust.
-
I work primarily from NARM (NeuroAffective Relational Model), which is trauma-informed and focuses on relationship patterns, agency, and the strategies we developed to stay connected and get through life. I also use attachment-informed work (understanding how closeness and fear of disconnection shape your responses), plus somatic tracking to notice what happens in your body during tension. When it fits, I’ll pull in Motivational Interviewing—a practical, collaborative way to clarify what matters to you and support change without pressure.
-
Yes, because when you shift how you respond, communicate, and set limits, the whole dynamic often changes. We’ll focus on what’s yours to hold and what isn’t, so you’re not carrying the emotional weight for two people.
-
I’m trained as a relational, trauma-informed therapist, and I’m a Certified NARM Therapist, which is a framework built for working with attachment patterns, shame, and the strategies we develop to stay connected. I also draw from attachment-informed and psychodynamic-informed work to make sense of relational templates, plus present-moment tracking to notice what happens during tension. When it fits, I integrate Motivational Interviewing to get in touch with your desires and support change in a way that’s collaborative.
-
A lot of people-pleasing doesn’t feel like pleasing—it feels like walking on eggshells, being low-maintenance, or avoiding becoming “a problem.” If you often feel responsible for other people’s comfort, or you leave interactions feeling drained or resentful, it may be worth exploring. We can make it clearer without labeling you.
-
It can—because patterns repeat until we take the time to understand them. We focus on what you do automatically in relationships (and why), then practice different options in a way that feels doable. The goal is a more fulfilling connection that doesn’t cost your wellbeing.